This is my introduction and my disclaimer. I decided to start this blog based on my own convictions and the simple fact that this topic has had such an impact on my life. I am not affiliated with any particular organization nor do I claim any specific denomination. That being said, it is my hope that people from all denominations/backgrounds will be open to a real discussion about the state of the “Church” and its impact on all people.
Who am I? I am the person with the experience. I started following Christ at 18 years old. I am 33 years old now. Over the years, I have been apart of a few different churches full of loving people who have significantly impacted my life. I have seen plenty of heartbreak in those same churches. I believe that I am like many other people out there. We truly love God and we want to do what’s right but somehow we end up getting distracted, discouraged and tripped up by the very institution that is supposed to be assisting us on our journey to a deeper relationship with God-the Church.
It is not my intention to encourage rebellion, instigate bitterness or turn this into a forum of complaints. On the contrary, I want to bring hope to those who have been down the same road. I have been to the point where my faith hung only by a thread. Not just once, but many times. I know what it’s like to be living out on the fringe, hopeless and alone, wondering how everyone can be reading the same Bible yet can’t seem to do what it says. Somehow, by the grace of God, I have held on and become stronger for it. God has shown me that it is all about His grace, His mercy and His forgiveness. That’s the only thing that makes this life work. It also makes it worth living. I don’t mean just surviving through life but really living it.
My passion is for truth. My heart is for others like me who have been through the wringer of ministry, abused by Christ’s followers, neglected and even shunned by the ones who proclaim to embody Christ’s love. I have a lot of hard questions. I bet you’ve asked a lot of the same ones. I’m still in the middle of the search for answers.
I once told someone, “I don’t have a problem with God, I just have a problem with his kids sometimes.” I am the person you see running around behind the scenes during church services. I am the person who has designed and filled your bulletins with endless blurbs. I am the plotter and the schemer at the staff meetings. I am the one who comes every single week and leaves my time, my money and my effort on the altar. I read my Bible, I say my prayers, I worship God with all my heart and still I have been the one sitting in a church FULL of people and felt completely abandoned. I have been the one who walks through the door of the church for the 25th time and no one can remember my name.
Do you know why I still have hope? Because I’ve seen the power of God at work in the lives of others including myself. You see I am also the person who forgot your name. I am the person who neglected and offended you. I am just as guilty as all the others. I am part of the Church. I cannot turn my back on God’s people without turning my back on God. I need the same loving grace from the One that I hope and pray is changing the hearts of those who have wronged me. We all fail. We all make mistakes. Take my hand, step back from the fringe and we’ll figure it out together.